Chonks place

A spot for the voices in my head to speak out

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

What is black metal?

There are as many definitions as there are demons in Satan's subterranean condo. And like those hot-and-bothered helldwellers, Black Metal afficionados are a contentious lot -- sometimes even murdering one other over who is and isn't true to the genre.

Wikipedia offers this definition, while this e-mail argument between two self-described Dark Lords provides another.

Musical characteristics include superfast guitars and shrieky, bummed-out vocals. Fashion characteristics include spiky shin guards, medieval accessories (swords, chains), and generous use of corpse paint.

But as the comparative graphic above shows, identification can be tricky. At left, Dani from the band Cradle of Filth is wearing lots of corpse paint. He is Totally Black Metal. At right, Louie the pug is not one bit Black Metal, despite facial markings that strongly resemble corpse paint.

This is tough, I know. Let's try it again.

At left, the Totally Black Metal band Dimmu Borgir, including a bald guy in a hat. At right, Louie again. Yes, he is wearing a hat, but he is still Not Black Metal. When they wake up in the morning, Dimmu Borgir raise lead chalices to their lips and drink smoothies blended from the blood and brains of their vanquished enemies. When he wakes up in the morning, Louie the pug eats either lamb-and-rice Science Diet or a sock.

For further study, I direct you to this Link for the TOP 10 MOST RIDICULOUS BLACK METAL PICS OF ALL TIME.

Thanks BoingBoing


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where on the black metal spectrum does the band "Table for Five" fall?

10:40 AM  

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